Tofu Scramble

I N G R E D I E N T S
1 pack firm tofu
1 red onion
3 cloves of garlic
1 bunch of kale
1 tomato
1 bell pepper
2 jalapeno peppers
Olive oil
4 tbsp nutritional yeast
1 tsp black pepper
1 tbsp salt
1 tsp black salt, if you have it
1 tbsp cumin
1 tbsp chili powder
1 tsp cayenne
1 tbsp turmeric
1 tsp coriander
1 tsp crushed pepper flakes
2 tsp smoked paprika

I N S T R U C T I O N S

1. Put the block of tofu on a plate. Put another plate on top of the block of tofu. Put a stack of your old undergraduate physics textbooks on top of the second plate (it is very important that they are physics textbooks). This is called pressing tofu; it is important because tofu absorbs more flavor if you squeeze the liquids out. Leave this aside for now.
2. Chop up all your veggies. Toss the onion, garlic, and some olive oil into a skillet over medium-high heat. Cook until it smells nice.
3. Toss in the rest of the vegetables. Cook until it smells nice again. Think about your undying love for kale.
4. Push all the vegetables to one half of the pan. With your hands, crumble the tofu into the other half.
5. Add the spices to the tofu. A note: If you think you've used too much nutritional yeast, you need to add another huge heaping spoonful.
6. Mix the spices in with the tofu. Add some more oil to the tofu side to help mix the spices and so it browns nicely later on.
7. Mix everything together and let it sit in the pan for a few minutes until the tofu starts browning on the bottom.
8. Turn off heat, mix it all up again; serve with avocado, vegan sausage, hash browns, cliantro, waffle fries...